The Miserable Yet Happy Place

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Reese McCord Park

By Lisa Amaya

Is it just me or does anyone else have a beautiful or ugly place they like going to whenever they’re feeling sad or alone, angry? In the dumps? Whenever I’m feeling bad, I go to this beautiful, big green park called Reese McCord Park in east El Paso. It’s across the street from a raggedy brown strip mall and it’s surrounded by beautiful homes.

I just sit in my car and cry with the windows rolled up until the sadness eventually goes away. I’ll sometimes call a friend or family member on my cell phone to vent. At times, I take my son to that specific park whenever I’m feeling bad and sad emotions. He loves the jungle gym and playing in the sand with his Hot Wheels. He goes crazy with happiness whenever the ice cream truck passes! This is why I take him. I won’t take him when I’m venting in my car.

Another stress reliever for me has always been cruising in my car to some good music like The Eagles (which by the way are performing in El Paso next month! The tickets start at $99 :/) or Tupac, underground music, etc. It just depends what I’m in the mood for. It’s always great when my son joins me on a cruise. He is actually growing up to like Tupac! We went to buy an ice cream this afternoon and he asked me, “Where’s Tupac? Where is that how do you want it song?” Ahh sh*t I can’t really play that song anymore because eventually he’s going to start figuring out the sexual innuendos, if he hasn’t already! I said, “I don’t know, it’s not on today.” We agreed to listen to, well I don’t remember what was on the radio at the time, nothing special.

Anyway going back to the park. As I’ve sat alone inside of my car crying over another broken heart or I’m fighting with Andre, something about watching the people play baseball or soccer makes me feel better. The park holds so many terrible memories yet it’s a beautiful place to visit.

I remember going to that park with an ex fiancé some years back before he left to Indiana. He came to visit me for a few days to plan our wedding for next year. After I took him to the airport, that was the last time I ever saw him. He swore he would come back as he fought back tears at the airport but he didn’t. On New Year’s Eve 2011 or 12 (I forget already) he lied. He lied and said he was driving to El Paso to move here and start a life with me. Do you know what he did instead? He drove to Phoenix to be with his ex-girlfriend. He said he didn’t love me anymore. He wanted his engagement ring back and I literally laughed and said NO! Believe me I had some other unfriendly and dirty words to say to him. How could I not? Oh well live and learn.

He said he wanted the engagement ring back so he could marry his ex and make her a U.S. Citizen. Ha ha! Let’s just say he never got his stupid ring back. Ha it’s actually in the pawn shop right now as I type this. I’m not sure what really happened to him nor do I care. It turns out his ex didn’t want him after all and she dumped him for a rich guy. I was a sucker for wanting to marry a janitor who didn’t have any aspirations. I’m not dissing janitors because I myself once held that title. I’m dissing the fact that he was a two-timing janitor and that’s all he’s ever really amounted to. A janitor is an honest job that needs to be respected more, however two-timing is disrespectful.

Another instance the park served as a refuge for me was when this other ‘man’ I was dating also broke my heart. It turned out he was married! He was a soldier from North or South Dakota who was stationed at Fort Bliss. He also made all of these promises and of course he didn’t come through. To be honest, I didn’t know or even think he was married. Looking back, the red flags and signs were all there. He never invited me to his house, he only called during certain times of the day and every time we went out on a date, we always had to meet me at some random parking lot around town. Duh! I was about 28, 29 at the time so I guess I was still a little naïve. Ha ha! Do you know how I found out he was married?

He actually sent roses to my house and he left his wallet lying around his house. His wife found the receipt and my phone number in it! She called me and started a commotion! She kept saying to leave her man alone and they are happily married. I don’t think they were that happy or else he wouldn’t have cheated but I was hurt yet again. He came clean and said it was all true. I was pretty upset! I called his cell phone and left a voice mail with Britney Spears’ “Womanizer” playing. Thank Goodness he was deployed to Iraq within the next two days after that incident. These are just a couple of heartbreaks I’ve been through in my life. Not all of my heartbreaks include men but I’m guessing Reese McCord Park will always serve as my escape whenever I’m feeling low in life.

Photo courtesy of Google images

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8 comments

  1. Thank you for the kind words, Randstein 🙂 What can I say? Good and hopefully not too much bad stuff happens in our lives. It may break us for a bit but eventually we just have to get up and keep moving forward.

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  2. It always seems in those moments of our loss that we can never overcome it. It’s even worse to realize the love one shared was disrespected by lies. It’s a sign of your inner strength that you have a place to go and find the peace you need to start the healing process. It seems your capacity for love is untarnished by the weakness and cruelty of others.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m sad that you were sad, but at the same time I’m now happy to have an El Paso lady following my blog! The gnomes and I over at Roamin’ Gnomials thank you. I love El Paso, though it’s been too long since I’ve been there.

    Liked by 1 person

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