I’m going to confess, I did a couple of stupid things yesterday. You may be asking what did she do and why is she sharing it here? I didn’t really know where else to turn aside from two friends I’ve had for 15 to 20 years. I know most of us haven’t met in person but I feel comfortable in this community. I’m grateful to have these two friends and for having all of you in my life. I’m also grateful for my family members who love me unconditionally. I’m now going to vent and confess. If you don’t feel like reading a sob story, please feel free to change the channel. I promise I won’t get upset.
As I mentioned before, I got back into writing because I wanted to help my childhood friend Ryan out. He asked me to help him write in his blog and I agreed. Another reason why I started writing again was because I went through a depression. I lost someone I considered to be a good friend back in March. It’s weird but I’ve written some of my best stories while I was depressed. It’s as if a part of my soul is unveiled. Anyway, this person and me shared a lot of great memories, along with some not so great ones. She was there for me when my ex- fiancé dumped me for his ex. The guy proposed and ditched me two months later. We planned on having this big wedding in a beautiful garden and going to Las Vegas before we got married. I know I know it’s now in the past and this is where it belongs.
I tried to reconcile this friendship but it hasn’t worked so far. I text her I was sorry we lost touch and I hope she was doing well. I got zero response. Either she changed her phone number, doesn’t want to talk to me anymore or she’s too busy. I got upset with myself. Maybe I should’ve gone to her house or just left our friendship in the past. I am still hurting over it today. It’s going to continue hurting me for awhile longer. We spent countless nights talking and sipping wine or beer. We spent many days helping one another out. Our kids played together and had fun play dates. Things unfortunately changed when she got married and went back to school. We talked but not as often as before.
I understand it takes a lot of effort to go back to school, especially with a family. Our lives went in different directions. She started making new friends in school and I kept working and hanging out with other people. There is no way in hell I would go back to school. I’ve been out of college since 2004. I’m guessing losing people and friends are just normal and sad moments we all experience at one point or another in life. Fortunately, nobody close to me has passed away yet. Yes, I’ve lost family and friends to death but no immediate family. I’m sure it’s not the same thing as losing a friendship. It really sucks having a broken heart whether it’s because of an ex lover or friend. I would say being heartbroken and lonely are two of the worst feelings to ever go through in life.
What else did I do yesterday? I went and had a girls night out with my friend of 20 years. I know I said I wouldn’t do it but…we went to watch “Magic Mike.” And I liked it! I resisted the temptation for almost three weeks. I’m not sure what else to do but maybe watch something on Netflix? I’m still thinking about the past, even though I shouldn’t. Tomorrow is another day.