Losing People and Friends in Life

I’m going to confess, I did a couple of stupid things yesterday. You may be asking what did she do and why is she sharing it here? I didn’t really know where else to turn aside from two friends I’ve had for 15 to 20 years. I know most of us haven’t met in person but I feel comfortable in this community. I’m grateful to have these two friends and for having all of you in my life. I’m also grateful for my family members who love me unconditionally. I’m now going to vent and confess. If you don’t feel like reading a sob story, please feel free to change the channel. I promise I won’t get upset.

As I mentioned before, I got back into writing because I wanted to help my childhood friend Ryan out. He asked me to help him write in his blog and I agreed. Another reason why I started writing again was because I went through a depression. I lost someone I considered to be a good friend back in March. It’s weird but I’ve written some of my best stories while I was depressed. It’s as if a part of my soul is unveiled. Anyway, this person and me shared a lot of great memories, along with some not so great ones. She was there for me when my ex- fiancé dumped me for his ex. The guy proposed and ditched me two months later. We planned on having this big wedding in a beautiful garden and going to Las Vegas before we got married. I know I know it’s now in the past and this is where it belongs.

I tried to reconcile this friendship but it hasn’t worked so far. I text her I was sorry we lost touch and I hope she was doing well. I got zero response. Either she changed her phone number, doesn’t want to talk to me anymore or she’s too busy. I got upset with myself. Maybe I should’ve gone to her house or just left our friendship in the past. I am still hurting over it today. It’s going to continue hurting me for awhile longer. We spent countless nights talking and sipping wine or beer. We spent many days helping one another out. Our kids played together and had fun play dates. Things unfortunately changed when she got married and went back to school. We talked but not as often as before.

I understand it takes a lot of effort to go back to school, especially with a family. Our lives went in different directions. She started making new friends in school and I kept working and hanging out with other people. There is no way in hell I would go back to school. I’ve been out of college since 2004. I’m guessing losing people and friends are just normal and sad moments we all experience at one point or another in life. Fortunately, nobody close to me has passed away yet. Yes, I’ve lost family and friends to death but no immediate family. I’m sure it’s not the same thing as losing a friendship. It really sucks having a broken heart whether it’s because of an ex lover or friend. I would say being heartbroken and lonely are two of the worst feelings to ever go through in life.

What else did I do yesterday? I went and had a girls night out with my friend of 20 years. I know I said I wouldn’t do it but…we went to watch “Magic Mike.” And I liked it! I resisted the temptation for almost three weeks. I’m not sure what else to do but maybe watch something on Netflix? I’m still thinking about the past, even though I shouldn’t. Tomorrow is another day.

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16 comments

  1. You’re right about smiling. Thank you . I checked out your blog last night. I had read it a little bit before. I wanted to hear your music. It’s very soothing and beautiful. Yes we’ll be talking! Have a great day!

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  2. Yes, cleaning can be a kind of meditation and then you can stand back and look at it. i love to look at my kitchen when I’m done. I’ve learned that it is impossible to think negative thoughts when I smile. It changes your life condition to a higher place. You make better cause in you life then and get better effects. One thing leads to another. There are those that think they can and those that think they cant – and they are both right! i hope to talk to you again.

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  3. Thank you for your comment, Sonniq! 🙂 I am going to check out your music! I’ve read some of your posts about prison. I sometimes watch videos and programs about prison. You’re right, I need to smile more. I’m taking a break from cleaning my house. Cleaning helps me clear my mind.

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  4. I understand what you mean by writing better when your emotions are more intense. I do the same thing. On one of my blogs about Jamie I often get overwhelmed by his sadness. I write music. But I only improvise. When I feel his pain I sit and close my eyes and just crawl inside it and let my fingers express it. I record when I play. It’s only when I play it back that I hear what I play. My music or your writing brings it out into a tangible form that is always preserved. I’m sorry about the loss of your friend. It creates a hole inside. I’ve lost a lot of people and many of them have been through death The older you get the more you lose. I’m 61. My mother is 82. Her very closest childhood friends are still alive but one is pretty sick and one is losing her memory. My mother is vibrant and well. Amazing woman. She gets sad about thinking of the day they won’t be there. But it is all life. Everything, including nature, goes through the cycle of birth aging sickness and death and then it starts all over again. It’s the beauty of life filled with the lessons we learn. BTW if you wanted to hear my music it’s scattered all over the blog but I could give you a link to where they are also all on one page. Smile. Is hard to feel bad when you’re smiling.

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  5. it has been my experience that people come into our lives for a reason, they also leave our lives for a reason, friends , even lifelong friends grow and often change, their lives get busy and they have no time or energy for the things they used to , including people, we all do that at various stages in our lives, all we can do when it happens is move on and forge new friendships, if the folks who left were meant to stay in your life they would have or will one day return, if they weren’t meant to be in your life, you may never hear from them again.

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  6. No matter how much we want to, there are times the past comes to haunt us. It is ok to to give into that from time to time. I do it all the time too. Past might be past, but it is still a part of our lives. Losing friends is hard. My blog was started to help forget about people who hurt me, but its a constant reminder of them. I think about them, I moan their loss, remember the good times and keep going forward. There is nothing wrong with it. Hope today will be a better day.

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  7. Aw Hun,,I feel for you, I know it’s hard, but to be honest, there are some special people that are destined to be our companions for the long haul, but there are also those, still just a special ones, who are meant to be with us just for a certain chapter of our lives. If she comes back. It’s a blessing, if not, just remember your good times fondly… I know I’ve gone through waves of my life and there have been important individuals at those times who are just a memory now, and there are the constants, the friends who despite not seeing each other all the time, are always there… It’s life babe,… (((Hugs)))

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  8. Sadly, it’s a part of life. I had a close friend who I was best friends with for 10 years and then just like that we weren’t friends anymore. I had moved to LA and she did not, so I think that played a huge part. I was a different person and we were going in different directions. It sucked and sometimes it still sucks, but I wouldn’t change the person I am today for anything.

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