Besides the different anatomies of males and females, I often wonder why men and women are different on so many levels. We think differently and our brains are wired differently. It’s good in a way because I personally don’t think I would want to be with someone who is exactly like me. Some women (like myself) are emotional and sensitive even if I don’t show it sometimes. I tend to analyze things a lot at times. It seems like men don’t really think about things as deeply or as much as some of us women do. I’m sure a lot of men are kind and want to make their wife or girlfriend happy. However, it’s not the same as what some of us women are thinking about hour after hour. Men might think everything in a relationship is fine while women are thinking does he still like me? Do I look good in that outfit I picked out FOR him? Why does he need so much space?… So on and so forth! These types of thoughts have sometimes kept me up at night!
Despite what the love story type movies and books out there tell us, it’s mostly unreal. It’s taken me over 20 years to realize there is no such thing as a fairy tale ending with anyone. I guess it was better I learned about it eventually. Disney’s lied to me and millions of kids and even adults! Nobody really tells you you are eventually going to disagree with your partner throughout a relationship. It’s just one of those things you have to experience for yourself. Nobody really tells you it takes work and good communication skills in order to maintain a stable relationship. Is there lots of good times in most relationships? Of course! The good is mixed in with the bad. Hopefully there is more good than bad in a relationship.
I think what causes me to feel doubtful and insecure in my current relationship at times is the previous relationships I’ve been in. I sometimes wonder if the same things will happen in my current relationship. I am beginning to realize that’s irrational thinking. I am trying to stray away from that type of thinking and focus on the good things in my relationship more. I am beginning to realize my relationship isn’t like past relationships. Like I said, no relationship is or ever will be perfect no matter who you are with. Andre and me have had our ups and downs. From now on, I am going to try my best to focus on the good things he’ s done for me and my son, instead of complaining about the bad things. Although I don’t show too much emotion towards him sometimes, I am grateful for having him in my life.
Last night he surprised me with two rose bushes I’ve been talking about buying for the last couple of weeks. I wasn’t having a great day at work yesterday and this completely made my day. I’m excited to plant them in some beautiful and colorful pots in the very near future. Something else that made me so proud and happy for us was him cleaning and mowing the backyard lawn yesterday, despite having a lot of back pain. The yard looks great! I will post photos of the rose bushes and yard soon. I would also like to buy a beautiful multi-colored water fountain/bird bath for our front yard soon. Although we won’t be getting married for awhile, I am going to continue working on myself and meeting him halfway as much as possible. I am not going to focus on trying to change him as a person and relax more. I need to work on not over analyzing everything and not sweating over the small things so much.
A relationship should be a two way street as much as possible. We don’t have a lot of the same interests but I am going to try what he wants to do more often like camping and hiking. We had a great time four wheeling the other day so I am up for camping and hiking too. He’s done a lot of things I’ve wanted to do so it’s only fair that I do the same for him. It should be a give and take relationship with more compromise.
Something else I am beginning to accept in a committed relationship is not to expect things. If you want something, get it for yourself. Also, you cannot depend on anyone to make you happy but yourself. The companionship, love and everything is great but you also have to be comfortable with yourself and in your own skin. Easier said than done at times but it is getting better little by little. So readers, what has helped your relationship and/or marriage become successful?